On Looking good

Life is strange and time does odd random things to you. You go to bed one night thinking you look one way and the very next morning wake up only to discover that it is not so. For a good example let us talk about my eyebrows. One day they were just fine and the next day they had gone all crazy and were starting to bush out like you see on some old men. Random hairs simply decided to stick straight up. Wetting them down and trying to get them to dry flat does not work.





Perhaps they are not as bad as this yet. YET! That is the thing. The way things are going with them I am so afraid that they could end up this way. All I can say is thank goodness I noticed in time. Can you imagine the fright I would have had if I woke up in the morning and had this looking back at me in the mirror? That would be a real life horror movie being played out right in the comfort of my own bathroom. See how creepy those eyebrows are in the picture. Can you imagine that staring back at you?

R E D R U M

RED RUM

redrum

I decided to take action. Perhaps I can keep control of the situation with a little professional waxing and colouring? Yes? No? Maybe? Well it is an improvement but there are still little hairs that stick straight up. Tomorrow I am going to make a trip to Shoppers and get some more help in the form of eyebrow powder and wax. Gosh, I will glue those things down if I have to and while I am at it I will see if they have any product to help with my newly found hanging jowls and the bags under the eyes. They were fine the other day too. You young people, enjoy it while you can because seriously right now...you are so good looking.

Needful Advise

Caution

Don't stand in one place too long in the slushy icy mess early in the morning or you may freeze in place. If it happened to me, it could happen to you.

Yay!

If you use Charmin toilet paper, you can enjoy going more often so if you have been holding your bladder trying to save some pennies, you don't have to anymore. Who would have thunk it?

Wow!

If you use Bounce Dryer Bar you can save valuable time. You will not know what to do with the spare 30 seconds that you gained by not using dryer sheets! Think about it. If you do two loads of laundry a day you will save a whole minute. Seven whole minutes a week! Add that up for a whole year! Wow! I would think there would be a stampede to get Charmin and Dryer bars. With all the time you save you will have more time to enjoy peeing. I know, that is what we all want.

Insignificant

Sometimes I think about weird insignificant things, alright, let me correct that before somebody else does. Often I think about weird and insignificant things. Ya should have seen what I just wrote before spell check! I can hardly function on the keyboard this morning let alone spell. It feels like my hands are not really attached to my body or the fingers belong to somebody else and I am trying to use them for the first time. I wonder what it would be like to have all the fingers on your hands transplanted with fingers from somebody else. What would it be like hypothetically if that happened to me and I got man fingers with hair growing out of the knuckles or worse yet fingers from a chimpanzee. Perhaps there would be some positive. Maybe I would not be so challenged when I am fighting with a stubborn jar lid or I would be really good at getting kites out of trees. Oh but, I digress. That is not the insignificant thing that I was going to write about although I have to admit it is typical of all the insignificant things that I think about. The insignificant thing that I did plan to write about is: Where do all those childhood potty jokes come from? Are you sitting there and scratching you head? Are there no potty jokes floating around in your brain that were planted there during your childhood just waiting for some odd cue to cause them to come blurting out again into the light of conscience? Things like:

Book: Yellow River
Author: I. P. Nightly

or that beloved poem:

How dry I am
How wet I'll be
When I can't find the bathroom key

and there is the old stand by:

Jean had a machine
Joe got it going
My dad let a fart that blew it all apart

Truth be told, may dad could blow one that could destroy machinery especially after drinking buttermilk. I used to think that some perverted old man used to think these things up and whisper them into the vulnerable ears of little children. The older I get and the more I am around little children, boys in particular, the more I am not so sure about this theory. I think the reason that I have not rethought my beliefs is the fact that I spent the time my kids were growing up in shock that resulted in to being pretty much oblivious to pretty much everything as a survival technique. After listening to all the scatological humour that my grandsons enjoy so much and listening to them try to outdo each other I am sure that such things evolved from the fact that all their brain cells have not been as of yet filled with information and they are simply trying to fill the void. Eventually Ben, Sam or Noah will hit on something that rhymes with buttocks and perhaps it will go viral spreading across the globe although some of the genius may be lost in translation but in the mind of a child, it really does not matter.

Mateepr

I would say ingly picked. Bwaa Haa! Have a Mateepr day.

I think that I had better save this on draft and hope to goodness that some inspiration comes my way in the next 13 hours and yes I would have to save that. I am sure in half an hour I would forget the one sentence that I managed to write and would have to start all over again. Robot guy has been no help this morning even though I threatened to fire him and go to the store and buy a new computer mascot, one that may have a few ideas kicking around amid the gears and whirligigs.



It is amazing what a few minutes to ponder my threat have done for Robot Guy. The three minutes I took to go and pour myself a fresh cup of java were enough for the ideas to come gushing out of him. I am so pleased that I think I will give him a name. I dub you Mateepr master of word verification. I will save the ideas for tomorrow. I will not waste them on today, after all, I have managed to write a whole paragraph on nothing. OH MY GOODNESS! Mateepr just stuck his tongue out at me. Cheeky thing!

Minus Fifty Celsius x&#!!%xx! Bleep Bleep

The weather outside is frightful.
Nothing about it is delightful.
Nothing you do will keep you warm.
Let it storm
Let it storm
Let it storm

Yes, a good storm is a preferable alternative to this horrific biting painful cold. Usually it warms up when it storms. On the other hand, I guess I had better be careful what I wish for because with our luck it will decide to storm and not warm up. That would leave us all worse off than we are now.

I went to the city today to help Angela paint. Seriously, I have been home for an hour now and my bum is still cold. I think that I froze my big toe as well even though I was not outside for more than four minutes at a time. The car heater had trouble keeping up. By the time I drove back home and took my puppy sitter home and got back my toe was burning. It is still tender.

I wrecked that toe when I first moved to Canada and did not have a clue that people could freeze their body parts. I waited outside for a bus for about a half an hour in weather like this. I froze my toes as well as parts of my face and fingers. The one toe for some unknown reason decided to freeze worse than anything else. The doctor in emergency thought that maybe I would have to loose the toe. Long story short, the toe made it but not until all the skin on it turned black and pealed off. Now the toe is sensitive and objects to any adverse winter weather.

The good news for the day was that when I went to Home Depot with Angela to get the paint, I actually remembered stuff that I needed to get and scored 100% in obtaining everything . So now I am a proud owner of a new stove element. The one I wrecked by welding my cow tea kettle to when I let it boil dry has been patiently waiting to be replaced for half a year at least.

I bought a new shower nozzle as the one I had decided to have a crisis and start to spray water in every direction that you could imagine. This has turned out to be a good thing as the new shower head comes with a 72 inch hose and will make it easier to reach all parts of Roscoe when he goes for his bath. As it is now, I have to cram him forward in the tub in order to reach all his parts. He does not like this and it is hard to shove a 75 pound dog around for pity sakes. I can hardly wait to try this new shower nozzle gizmo thingy.

I got a fifty foot Line Cord for replacement or adding length from modular jack to modular phone. I need to add length so that I can get rid of the unsightly eyesore of wires hanging down the wall in the basement. Now Mike can have the honor of running the wire neatly up the corner and along the ceiling. I sure hope fifty feet will do it as that is the longest cord that I could get.

I hope you all dream of warm beaches tonight and that we will suffer no power outages like they did up around LaRonge in the early hours this morning because Susan and Marv...ya know what I do when I gets cold!

Roscoe

What a glorious day. The sun is shining. The birds are singing. The snow is melting. I feel cheerful and motivated. The house is getting cleaned. The sheets are changed and the bathrooms are disinfected. The dog still smells. I don't understand it. I gave him a bath last week and he stank worse than before I bathed him. Maybe I missed some vital part? As soon as I finish cleaning the rest of the house, I am going to have to give him another bath. He is a big dog and it is a big job. Please send some sympathy my way. My kids won't. They say "you bought him, you got him." Hahaha! They sound like they are my parents! Is it not funny how the roles reverse? I used the Sham Wow to dry him last week. It does not wick the water off of him as good as I thought it would. The only good thing about it is I don't have to use as many towels to dry him. I wonder? Did the Sham Wow make him stink? Did I tell you he stinks? HE STINKS! I can't stand it! Roscoe! You stink!


He doesn't know what the big deal is and does not think he needs a bath. He told me that Diane (Sunshine On My Shoulders) has never complained about her Golden Retriever and only says nice things about him. He says that I am embarrassing him. I told him " just look at yourself" (see above picture of dog rolling on his toy) He does a good enough job himself. Anything I say is really nothing.

On Hold? Anytime!

We are sorry that we are unable to take you call at this moment. We do value you so please hold the line and somebody will get to you as soon as they can. We do not have music for your listening pleasure but we do have the next best thing. We have your grandchildren. We hope you enjoy them and are not unduly inconvenienced.

Hello?

Hello

Grandbaa? Hey it is Grandbaa. Graaandbaa! (sounds of jumping)

Hello Sammy! How are you?

Fine, (insert breathing and chewing noises plus mother prompting in the background Say: I miss you grandma) I mih you grandba (this is said in the sweetest voice that you could ever imagine.)

I miss you too Sammy!

(more breathing and silence followed by prompting Say: I love you) I love you. Bye Bye. (thunk)

Well, that was short but rather sweet and sincere. ( spoken out loud but to the air)

Pause

Hello Grandma, this is Ben. Sammy does not want to talk to you anymore so I am gonna talk at you O.K.?

Well...O.K. I really wanted to talk to you too.


And talk we do. It would be too hard to type in the whole conversation. We talked about many things that concern only a boy and his grandma, well except for when he almost told me what his mother got me for Easter. Rats! His mother was listening just a little too close. He always tries to manipulate the conversation toward the goal of getting me to commit to coming to his house (three hours away) like right away. He usually uses supper to bribe me. If I tell him that it takes to long to drive and that I would miss super he promises: "We will put some aside for you."

*My daughter really doesn't have a message like the above. The message that I do get goes like this: "Ohhh, I can't talk now (frantic) Here, BEN talk to your grandma! gotta mumble mumble! Ohhh! Followed by:

Hello, this is Benjamin. Is this my grandma?

In my imagination I wonder: Is she burning the lunch? Is Sammy on top of the cat condo again? Or...maybe...No! The horror! Did she leave out the Sharpies? Hahahaha!

Saturday Morning = Fishing Shows

Somebody in Saskatchewan won 17 million dollars in the lottery on Friday. I hope it was somebody that deserves it and is a generous person. Just to let my kids know, it was not me and I don't think it was your father either. You have to have a ticket to win. We have been too sick to venture out to do things like buy lottery tickets, not that we ever bother to buy very many of them. We have been living the life of hermits. John has had a rough go of it but I think he is now starting to see the light.

John is running around in his underwear this morning and seems quite perky. It is Saturday morning and that means fishing shows. He loves fishing shows. He is laughing because Gary Cooper caught a great big Sturgeon that he had to drag to shore and the fish dragged him onto his face.

I am feeling much better this morning. That horrible ache between my shoulders has eased up. It doesn't hurt to breath this morning. I am sure that the painful breathing was related to my backache. I don't have any more excuses for not doing the housework. That, my friends, is a good thing.

I have a question. Is doesn't a legitimate word? My spell checker does not think that it is. I use it all the time. Am I wrong? People who know me, know that I am a terrible speller. I am very grateful for my spell checker. My husband tells people that I am so deficient at spelling that I don't even know how to spell my name. He is lying. I do know how to spell my name. Well, what do you expect from a man who runs around in his underwear and will watch fishing shows all morning? Sorry for the visual picture people. I think it is funny.

Now I have to watch some guy fillet fish. He is very fast. This makes John very happy. Hang on a second. Well, he was impressive. Now, John is simultaneous browsing fishing sites on line while watching TV. He is looking for something that would make a great fishing trip, like fishing for Sturgeon on the Fraser River. Three people for eight hours of fishing pay 200 dollars each. Oh the gears are turning! All tackle and bait supplied. They bring a camera to get all the pictures. The average sturgeon is five feet long and weighs ???? I missed that.

I am going to go now. This is not very productive. John is tossing fishing thoughts and ideas at me so fast, I can't think for myself. Oh, if you have not heard enough about this man and his fish, you might be amused with this post. For myself, I think I have heard enough fish trivia for today. Exit stage left. He won't see me for the smoke.

I Know That My Life Would Be Better If....

I am have a confession to make. I have maybe been watching just a tad bit too much television lately. This is not good as I tend to be a little bit of a sucker though I prefer the term gullible or better yet, naive. Today, I am convinced that I really can't live life to its full potential with out the:

Sham Wow

Due to the fantastic absorption properties of this product, I would love this to dry the dog after his bath. According to the infomercial, all I will have to do is to lay the Sham Wow on the dog and it will suck the moisture right off of his fur. I will no longer need five towels! Wow!

Pedi-paws

On second thought, maybe not. Our dog is afraid of any tools. We do not understand this. He is afraid of screwdrivers, pliers, hammers. I can't imagine what he would do if I were to came at him with this tool. It took a long time before it was no longer a three person job to simply clip his nails.

Smooth Away

On second thought perhaps I should steer clear of this one. I am having flashbacks to the cheap electric razor that chewed up my arm pit hair right up to my skin and ended up dangling from my underarm. I am wondering how exfoliated a person would end up being before the hair is actually removed?

Well that was a good job that I did. Now I think that I only need the Sham Wow. Oh by the way, does anybody need a Rotato Potato peeler?

The Egg House

I have just returned from visiting Dianne at Sunshine on my shoulders. This week she has been busy asking questions, you know the kind of questions that take a person back to their childhood. "Oh boy" you think "There she goes again!"

By telling old stories, I know I am annoying my children. I know this because I tend to tell the same stories over and over and over. "It is a privilege of old age" I tell them. Not convinced, they roll their eyes. I find find eye rolling funny. People look funny with their eyes rolling about in their heads don't you think? Anyway, I will be disturbed when my kids quit this Ahem... they simply do it behind your back because that means that I will have truly entered my dotage. That is the time in life when you kids start to humor you and agree with anything you say or do so as not to upset you. I am not quite there yet. I digress

Question Number One: What books did you enjoy reading as a child?

I find this question a little incriminating. By answering it, you give away your age. If the curious do not recognize the title, they can find out your approximate age simply by spending a little time with Mr. Google. Here. Let me make it easy for you. By the way, I would love these books. If any of my children or my hubby wants to... Mothers day is coming. I would love to spend a few hours pretending I am a child again. I used to pretend that my Coop was a boxcar. Maybe that is where I got my love of camping from.

Question number Two: What instruments did you learn to play as a child?

I am having trouble interpreting the word learn in the above question. I am not sure that I did really learn to play the instrument that I did study. It really is not my fault. It is the fault of my mother and Onion Breath not his proper name who taught at the Egg House. The place that I received my lessons was called The Egg House. They sold eggs. I think they sold onions as well, judging from the bad breath. As well as selling onions and eggs, they taught piano. I still find this confusing. I want to know, can you wrap your head around that?

Seriously, I would like to know, how any sane person my mom could possibly expect a romantically inclined dreamer of a little girl to learn from a man who ate onions just before she showed up for her lesson! My mom had decided to move me from the nice lady who taught classical music to attend lessons taught by a stinky grumpy man who taught jazz. She had decided that she wanted to see if I could learn to play by ear. Yeash! My silly mom! I always figured that people used their fingers to tickle the ivories yet I wisely decided not to share my observation with her. With Mom it was the best policy to not only mind your P's and Q's but to pay attention to the whole alphabet! Week after week I toughed it out. I had no choice. Oh, I protested! I even tried gagging when we pulled up at the Egg House! My tactics did not deter my mom. Sometimes, I wonder if she wasn't just a little possessed. We would pull up to the curb, I would gag then turn my pleading eyes on her. Her eyes at that point did have a slightly yet fully discernible devilish glint. While they did not exactly glow red and her head did not spin around, she was scary.

I did innocently manage to get out of one lesson. I had picked at a wart on my knee. We had pulled up to the Egg House. Mom spotted Bwaahaaa! my injury and thought....you know! She squealed the tires and left burnt rubber in her rush to get me home muttering "Oh honey, I am so sorry!" again and again. She whisked me into the house, dragged me along to the washroom and wildly rummaged about for PRODUCTS that I had not known existed for A Wart! I can still see the expression on her face when she learned the truth and realized that she was going to have to explain a few things to me. Next week we were back to the Egg House. Sigh...

I spent most of my lesson time copying out my music while he sat beside me and breathed and breathed. Oh, the horror! I am sure that the room had a slight yellow haze that permeated every nook and cranny. I played stupid Alley Cat instead of Moonlight Sonata. The whole episode was torture. Of coarse you can all see where this is going. Yes. It all came to a head one sunny summer day. Instead of gagging, I refused to get out of the car. I think that she really relented because, judging from the progress at practice time, she had come to the obvious conclusion that it was an exercise in futility to teach me to play the piano with my ears. For me, learning to play the piano was simply not worth the torture. I can play Alley Cat and Greensleeves.

As a teen, I talked my mom into getting me a guitar. This was difficult and took some major begging because she kept bringing the whole Egg House episode up over and over and over again. Eyes roll! The fellow who taught me was young an cute. I stayed with it until I ran out of money. I can play and sing: There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly.

Can You Ever Have Enough?

The answer to this question is NO! Not always. I would definitely say that we have enough pancake syrup especially considering that we may have pancakes only four times a year. I am not the person responsible for our household abundance of syrup. I am going to blame my better half. Due to the rarity of pancake consumption, by the time he decides to make some, he forgets that we already own syrup and makes a trip to the store to get some. Now we own a life time supply.

I almost went to the store to buy more mustard yesterday before I remembered that we had some in reserve. It was a good thing. I buy two at a time. We use a lot but not that much.

This is one item that I use everyday. Now the question I have regarding my tendency to hoard deodorant is: Why in the world would I spend the night in my dreams looking for my deodorant considering the fact that I am very aware of how many containers I own? Perhaps I am subconsciously anxious enough that I should pick up a couple more the next time I go shopping. Apparently, this is the one item that I can never have enough of.

Award-a-polosa!

Both of these awards were given to me by Lucy from Lucy's World. You are a dear! Thank you for giving them to me. Only problem:

I am going to get too big for my britches!

My head is going to swell

Seeing as how I just bought a new pair of jeans and due to my short legs, I had to pay $12 to have them hemmed plus the fact that I am eating my way through a whole week of the soup diet to make sure that those jeans don't shrink, I would say that I can not afford to have my britches expand. I know that my head is a tad small for my body but I am concerned that I will not be able to control the head swelling and may not be able to stop its growth before it explodes.

Maybe the honest scrap award will help me out a little bit! Yes, that is what is needed to bring myself back down to earth instead of floating around up in the air with any other bloggers who have acquired balloon heads. I did not see any of them in the 5 minutes I was up there but I am sure there must be some. This award is not really an award until I write 10 honest things about myself. This way I can humble myself and still be awarded. It will comfort me when the men in the white jackets come to get me. I am sure it will be traumatic to divulge such deep and honest confessions.

1. I read my books backwards. I am too impatient to wait for the story to unfold as the author intended. I almost always know the end before I get there. This does not ruin the story for me. This will drive Becky nuts: I knew the end of the latest Tad Williams series by book two!

2. I rock myself to sleep. No, that is not quite right. I wiggle myself to sleep by moving my foot back and forth rapidly. I have been doing it since my birth. Oops! that is a small fib. Whew, this is hard for me as:

3. I am prone to exaggeration. While most of what you read here is mainly true Urghh at times I do embellish things, but only for your reading pleasure!

4. I like to eat chocolate syrup on toast. This is torture for me to write because this is not on the soup diet.

5. I find lists like this hard. While I do have a random brain with lots of bits floating around in it, most of it is useless and very hard to access.

6. I would laugh if you tripped. I would laugh harder if you fell face first into a snow bank. It would be hard for me to help you up because I would be laughing too hard.

7. I laugh when I trip. I laugh harder when I fall face first into a snow bank and am helpless to get up without help.

8. I hide snacks from other family members. This habit started when the kids were little. If I did not do this, they would have ate all the snacks when I was not aware of it. The only problem with this strategy is that they were very aware of the fact that I hid snacks. They got very good at looking for them. They still look for them sometimes. I am sure. I simply find new and better hiding places. I need help. Help me! I can not stop.

9. Sometimes I do not answer the phone when it rings. Sometimes I do not answer the phone when it does not ring.

10. I do not like feet. This is funny because at one time I was seriously entertaining the thought of becoming an pedicurist. I have trouble taking care of my own feet let alone the feet belonging to another person. I must stop thinking about this now. I am making myself sick.

Now it is time to pass on the baton. Getting awards is really like a relay. Run with it my little chickies! Run!

Honest scrap award
Eve- Adam's Wife Weblog
Susan- Prairie Lilly
John- The King
Trav- Is It A Blog?
All the rest who would like this award: if you can post 10 honest things about yourself you will have earned it!

Butterfly Award
I can not choose. I award it too all! You are all cool.
If I did not think so I would not be stopping by so often.

Awards rules: Pick up your award and post it on your blog. Link back to who you received the award from. Pass it on to ten other people. Sorry I did not do this. I confess...it is a lot of work and I think that Mr. Linky gets tired. If you can not award it to ten just do the best you can.

To Sleep Perchance To Dream

Walking down the shop lined hall of the very large mall, I had only one goal in mind. I had to get my hair colored. HAD TOO! I had caught a glimpse of my hair in profile in a mirror. Horrors! How in the world can I have been walking around like this. When did I get so gray and the root lines, how awful. I noticed one salon but it seemed so busy. Oh, luck of luck, there was another place just two doors down. Would it be busy too? Whew, lucky gal. They seem to have no customers. I entered the salon. Two young men seemed to be the hairdressers. Both had long shoulder length hair. One of the fellows had a couple of braids with feathers in his tresses. They both wore white sleeveless t-shirts and blue jeans. One was tall and slender and the other fellow was more stocky. They both appeared to be Italian and when I asked if I could get an appointment the one guy had a definite European accent. They reminded me of this guy:


What are you thinking? Maybe there are no clients here for a reason? Ho, lady you may so regret this adventure! He said he could do my hair right now. Maybe I should take some time out and think about this. Ohhh...my hair is so awful. Anything would be an improvement. I said O.K. He led me to the sink. He put a towel around my neck and snapped the cape into place. So far so good! Seems to know what he is doing. I closed my eyes so as not to get soap in them. I let myself relax. He bent down. I could tell that he was getting awful close because I could feel his breath and I could feel the feathers from his braids tickle my forehead. What is he doing? He proceeded to lick my forehead and immediately after that started to give my forehead a massage using his chin! Whoooo! What the heck! What in the world is going on here. This is so wrong! Do something! Say something! Why in the world are you just sitting here! You are taking politness to a whole new level! Open you eyes woman! Open eyes now!I opened my eyes. Something gray, soft and furry loomed over my head. It purred. It had a wet nose. That is what happens when real life events intrude on your dreams. I was so relieved! I was very freaked out.

Italian Chin Masseuse.

Christmas With My Mom

One thing that you could never say about Christmas with my mom is that they have been unforgettable...ahem...her gifts have never been unforgettable that is.

Mom

I remember the year that my mom did her Christmas shopping for the whole family at a kitchen shop. I can never forget the look on my young son's face as he opened his beautifully wrapped gift. It contained gourmet potato soup mix. One year she shopped at a bedroom and bath shop. The kids got towels. One year she shopped at a canvas clothing shop. We all remember the look on the papa's face as he tried on his bright red canvas jacket. That year, I lucked out and my jacket was rather nice. One year the girls and I got these:

Yes, I did love them when I was a child. Really, it was so funny. I have kept them. I will never get rid of them not even if they become valuable collector items. She does call and ask at times what would be a nice gift. Somehow she manages to make a mundane gift idea, eccentric. She asked me this year if books would be a nice idea. I said "Yes, books are nice" I waited with baited breath as I have learned to do over the years.


Well, there you have it! Books! Not just any books. Eccentric books. She did not disappoint. The tradition continues. The circle has not been broken. Man I love that woman!

On Our Way

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Bill Gates:
To purchase Chicken 2.01a, which will both cross roads and calculate the energy it used. There are bugs, yes, but if you uninstall Traffic 2.0 and Farmer 1.2 it will run. If it freezes at WhiteLine 2.0, we have a patch ...

Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective):
I'm not exactly sure why, but right now I've got a horse in my bathroom.

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Sherlock Holmes:
Do not concern yourself with the chicken that did cross the road; the answer lies with the chicken that did not cross the road.

I love love love this wireless deal. I am sitting in bed just having a great time. There is something comforting about having Internet access. I don't feel so far from home. After this I am going to go to facebook and see who is there. We did meet up with my brother in Calgary and had a nice lunch. After that I drove us through the mountains for quite awhile. I am so proud of myself. I didn't even get scared. John was able to enjoy the scenery and let me tell you there is some of the most magnificent scenery in the world here. I just want to sing:

Oh beautiful... for spacious sky's...for ember waves of grain

For purple mountains majesty...above the fruited plains

Oh Can-a-da Oh Can-a-da God give his grace to thee

And crown thy hmmmm with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea.

O.K.! So I took a little licence with the words and so I forgot them a little bit. I don't think that Betsy Ross would mind. Well... I guess not seeing as how she was the one who built the American flag. Bates! Yes, I am sure that she would not mind.

We are staying the night in Golden. We are tucked tight in the mountains. Tomorrow morning we will go over Rodgers Pass. We are having a great time traveling and the weather has been cooperating. Talk to you tomorrow.

The Naming

Part Two

I clearly remember the day that one of my parents broke down. It was my mother. She had received the brunt of my persuasive dialog. She was the stay at home mom as most moms were in those days. Apparently she had been having some persuasive dialog with my dad on her own about the subject but as of yet had no success. She decided to take matters into her own hands although it would be more like it to say that she took the matter into our own hands.

We went to the grocery store. I had to make many trips to the car hauling the large amounts of cardboard she felt it would require to build the playhouse. We stopped at the hardware store and picked up some duct tape and some long stakes she figured we could frame our construction with. We returned home.

She decided the best location for my playhouse would be the three foot wide section of land between the garage and the chain link fence that divided our property from the neighbors. She figured that the garage and the fence would make good supporting structures. As an adult I can certainly understand her reasoning. As a child I could not. My plot of land was damp, dark, full of over grown weeds and spiders lived there. I expressed my opinion. silly, silly girl!

After blurting out my opinion, it felt like I was looking down the barrel of a gun and my mothers witch eyes certainly not her angel eyes were at the other end. Instantaneously and before my very eyes, my mother dissipated in a puff of smoke. I rubbed my eyes. She had transported herself to inside the garage.I could hear her clanging about in there. Oh no! She returned dragging along with her a shovel, a hoe, a rake and a broom. She was beginning to get a little wild eyed at this point and I knew that this look did not bode well for me. My mother was a very strong willed woman still is and I knew in my sweet little heart that only the end of the world as we know it would deter her from her (becoming more apparent to me by the moment) mad plan!

"I agree! It is pretty ratty back here." she said. "There you go. This all should be helpful to get rid of the weeds and spiders. I can't help the damp and dark though but once we have the whole thing built I don't think you will notice it very much. You work away at that and I will go inside and see what paint I can rummage up." From the way she tilted her head, from her crooked smile and from the way she had dumped the garden tools down in front of my feet I knew that she did not plan on helping me. All of her speech was now being spoken in the language that adults speak and could be translated as: "I am going into the house to rest now. I will enjoy some nice soothing music and maybe a couple cups of coffee that will perhaps be followed by a nap. I don't want to hear a peep out of you."

There was to be no escape for me. I was doomed to spent the rest of the morning fighting nature between the garage and the neighbors fence. After that and some lunch she was a good mother and would feed me. Right? I knew that things were only going to go from the now bad to a later worse. So true...so true.

After tomato soup and a sandwich we returned to my small housing plot. My mom seemed to have cheered up somewhat. I began to feel a little more optimistic. The rest of the day was spent in a frenzy of taping together cardboard and of hammering in stakes. We sweat profusely and got very dirty. There were many confusing commands. "Hold this...no no! Not there. Over there. Bang that stake in harder. It broke! Oh well...get another one. No no! Not that one. Get that thing-a-majiggy! You know! THE THING-A-MAJIGGY! On and on and on it went. The afternoon turned into early evening and it was time to go in and wash up and throw some dinner together. We stood back to survey our work. Hahaha! There stood swayed would be more descriptive the fruit of our labors. We had managed to construct a large box. "We will paint it tomorrow and then it will be lovely" She chirped. This story still makes me laugh. To my utter delight: IT RAINED! FOR DAYS!

Not The End Yet!

The Naming

Have you ever wondered how Chris's Coop got its name? Did I hear you say no? Oh dear! That is just so sad because I really have nothing to write about today. I am starting to get desperate. Up to now I think that I have been doing pretty durn good topic wise. Least you think that maybe I am acting a little bit the smarty pants, I want you to know that most of what I write is Oops having a brain fluff, will return and insert word that is acting illusive later when it comes to me satire directed at mostly myself.

Hmmm...I am thinking that maybe I have wrote about this topic before. Waves of dejavu crashing in my brain saying "check the archives" I answer "I don't think so, it is way too early in the morning for that plus I am desperate. Excuse me while I go and get another cup of coffee."

When I was little I always wanted a play house like my friend had. Her play house looked like something that came out of Hansel and Grettle. If you remember, that is if you can remember back that far, that play house was built to lure little children. If I would have been the child in that story, I certainly would have become witch food.

With the object of my desire firmly entrenched in my heart, I began the process of getting what I wanted. I began to hound my poor parents. In the morning I would ask: "Could I have a playhouse like Linda's?" I would ask at lunch, supper and before bed. "Please, please please" I asked both parents. "Could I please have a playhouse like Linda"s?" I was always polite and did not whine because if I had learned one thing about my Mom and Dad was that whining got a child nowhere. Please don't bother my Mom with questions regarding my good behavior because I am sure she can not remember that far back. She would probably say: "What playhouse?" My Dad is in heaven so I think he will be a little hard to reach. You will just have to take my word for it that I was an extraordinarily behaved little girl! I clearly remember the day that one of my parents broke down....

Part two to follow because I am at the point where I need to ration my material.

Random Brain Syndrome

My original idea of a name for my blog was A Rant A Day. I discarded this because it soon became apparent that I was not going to rant every day for the rest of my life. I had no intention of posting every day either. The second idea for my blog was: Random Blog Of A Random Brain.

This seemed appropriate because that is how my brain seems to operate. I think that I must be suffering some kind of a syndrome. Maybe it is called Random Brain Syndrome or maybe it should be called: Useless Information Rattling about Brain Syndrome. The following is a sample of what I go through every time I sit down to write a post. Let me be honest here. It is what goes on when I try to sleep. It is what goes on when people are talking to me. I am an ill person and I think this disorder is incurable.

Sample Illustration Of Random Brain Syndrome

"I mean it! Do you want a peanut? What to write about today? Tomorrow, Tomorrow! I love you tomorrow! It is only a day away...

I have been wanting to write a children's story for quite some time for my grandchildren. I have procrastinated over this as I am not really sure what they would like the story to be about. I am not sure where to begin. I am not sure how to create the characters. I am not sure how to form the plot.

Hahaha! That cat is a dufus! What a toddler. What a maroon. I see the moon the moon sees me. Under the shade of the old oak tree.

For pity sake! Where was I? O.K. back up. Lets see. Yes! Children's story. I made my decision today while sitting out in the cabin house (my cabana) that any topic would be fine. I could even take the topic from that WELCOME stone. On the stone are the three main characters. A Dragonfly, A Butterfly and A Hummingbird. Nice title, I say as I bang the computer desk. Hang on a second as I rescue the mouse. M-I-C-K-E-Y -M-O-U-S-E Micky Mouse...hey. Typing that out took a lot of hand eye coordination.

Well that's a start anyway. Goodnight I am going to bed. Goodnight Irene. Goodnight John boy. Goodnight moon.

Of Mice And Men

Have you ever lived in a rodent infested home? I have. This was years ago yet the memories, when they come, cause traumatic stress syndrome complete with all the symptoms I suffered at the time. Laying in bed at night I can still hear the critters running up and down inside the walls. My imagination is so finely tuned that I can hear their little feet scurrying about... Putta put putta put put....Shhh! Just the slightest rustle when in this mind set can result in me deciding to hold my bladder until morning. Shadows on the floor transform themselves into dark creatures with little but sharply pointed teeth. They lay in wait.

I used to be brave, really and truly brave. When nature called in the night I would venture forth and answer that call and never gave it a second thought. One night while sitting on my throne, half conscious, in the dark and hand forward searching the air in front of me for that ever illusive end of the roll something ran over my foot. My heart stopped in my chest. I forgot to breath. I sat very still. It ran over my foot again!

SCREAM

SCREAM SOME MORE AND LOUDER

SCREAM LIKE I AM BEING MURDERED!!!

Footsteps running. Light blinding me. Husband pale. Husband swearing. Husband threatening me. "For crying out loud it is just a little mouse. What in the name of Dog do you think that mouse is going to do to you! If you ever do that again I will...I will Oh! For pity sake I WILL! You scared the crap out of me." Scared the crap out of him? I went to the dresser and handed him a pair of clean underwear. Now if looks could kill I am living proof that they don't I would not be here telling my tale today.

Staying Ahead Of The Game

The rules say post everyday for a month. Technically, I could write all of them today, save them as draft and then post one each day. Hmmm...I think I should have started a couple of months ago. I don't think that I could possibly pull this off even if I did an all nighter. It would be interesting to see what kind of posts my sleep deprived brain would spew out after five pots of coffee, The most likely sceanrio would be you would see a lot of this: kfheiklk ajier kjfla kjfie tjkl djki kdiew sweore oear oan joenz. I would be happily typing thinking how witty I was so with that in mind I am going to just try to stay a couple of days ahead. That will give me a little slack.

We are going to have some very busy days ahead. We have only two weeks to go until the big trip. I have packing to do, people to visit and appointments to keep, I have a long list of stuff to remember and stuff to do. I will type up posts in between all of this and make sure that I have things saved in draft for when we are traveling because I don't know for sure that I will have internet access at that time. It could take a couple of days when we first get to Seattle to get an internet account set up. If worse comes to worse...I still may miss a couple of days. All that will happen is that I won't qualify for a prize. I think that I am O.K. with that as long as they don't kick me out.