Monday, June 28, 2010

Re Visiting Hell

Tuesday and Wednesday I have to accompany Mom for her tests at Neculear Medicine at Royal University Hospital. The whole area of Medical Imaging is a place where John had to go often for testing and for lines to be installed. It is a place of waiting, of tears, of fear and of suffering and a place that I had hoped I would never have to visit again. The thought of it makes me nauseous and apprehensive. I don`t know how I am going to get through this. I just know that I have to. I am going to go and clean the house now and try NOT to think about it. Just don`t think Chris. Don`t think! Life seems to be very cruel to me lately. I wonder why God wants to rub my face in all the pain of the past. Why all this? Why must I have to go and gaze at the field of battle after the war? When will all the horrors end? Life has become a non ending and futile battle against death. There is no furlough in this war or so it seems.

9 comments:

Becky said...

So sorry Mom. Wish I could do it for you.

Christine said...

Update. Mike is going to take mom tomorrow and Angela is going to take Mom on Wed. I have such great kids. I can't thank them enough.

Lucy said...

That is great that your kids have stepped in.

Now, maybe you could call a friend and go to lunch. Maybe your friends are unsure about contacting you. They may think you don't want to be contacted. My aunt isolated herself right after her husband died. She wouldn't take phone calls or go out to eat and so people stopped trying but not my mom. My mom called her every single day, unfortunately friends are bad they don't understand,they don't give you the proper space and then know the time to start asking again. You need to be with people again, if only for an hour for lunch, it would be a slow start, your heart will still ache but an hour of distraction would help engage you in the world.

footsack said...

So nice to hear that you don't have to go. You do have great kids.

Melanie said...

It's not the same, not by far, but I can't do hospitals anymore since Bella's big scare. When she was sick in April and we couldn't get her fever down we took her in and when they strapped a monitor to her heart rate, I just started sobbing. The nurse tried to tell me to relax, she's just got a fever, but of course she didn't understand and I was too upset and scared to tell her.

I still sob for a long time after we leave every visit at Children's Hospital, and those are after good visits. I can't imagine what it must be like to go to those places for you. I'm glad that you don't have to go to the visits coming up. You do have great kids.

We love you, and we're praying for you still.

Jientje said...

Thank God for wonderful kids. So sorry you have to go through all of this!

Sue said...

I am so sorry that thou have to go through this over again! I wish I had been home to help you. I agree, you do have wonderful kids.

Eve said...

I can't help it. You made me cry.

Eve said...

Glad your children stepped forward to help you. Makes all those hours of labor worth it. =)