Saturday, May 08, 2010

The Jars The Lord Keeps

I should be sleeping. I hate going to bed because then it is quiet and then I think. I put it off as long as possible. In the morning, I hate getting up and having to face another new day. This does not seem to be getting better for me.


Sunday is Mother's Day. Sunday is also seven months. Sigh.....


I am sad. Nothing feels normal. I am not getting used to things. The house feels so empty even when it is filled. I feel hallow and empty. There does not seem to be a depth to anything. It is hard to describe how I feel. It is like a dark cloud follows me where ever I go. The sun tries to peek through but it is impossible to penetrate that cloud to any significant degree.


I miss you John. Every tear contains these small sentences a thousand times a thousand. There are jars full of my tears in heaven. I love you John. I love you a lot. I love you forever. Now another jar is filled.

14 comments:

Michaela said...

Chris, I'm SO sorry. There is probably nothing that anyone can say that can make it better for you. The loss of John is a tragedy. He is so lucky to have a wife like you. I hope you can find a way to celebrate mothers day and make the time pass. Love and hugs, Michaela xxxooo

The Invisible Mo said...

... :(









rewin

Karen said...

it feels like life will never be the same again--and it won't. but sooner or later, a new life will fill you, and you will see the flowers again. Your sadness will end.

footsack said...

I am so sad for you. Praying for you today especially. ((hugs))

Bientje said...

Dear Chris,
All we can do is comfort you with a big virtual hug and a warm embrace!

Sue said...

I am so sad for you. I wish we could go back in time like in those "choose your own adventure" books. We could have had a totally different outcome. I can only try to imagine your pain. I miss him so much too, but I miss him as a sister not a wife. I am praying for you!

Jientje said...

I wish there was something I could do. Hugs dear xxx

Lucy said...

Oh, this makes me hurt for you but I am glad you are writing, it is important to get your feelings out.

Are there any grief groups at your church or widow groups? You might find some help or solace if you could talk with others that understand what you are going through.

Melanie said...

I'm so sorry you're sad. I'm with Auntie Sue. I used to love those books. I'd find an ending I didn't like and I could just go back and remember not to turn to page 84 like I did the last time, and everything would turn out okay. If only life were like that.

Eve said...

Yes, I understand completely. I also have jars in heaven.

Avaelyn said...

Ohhh. Auntie Chris. :'( Same as Melanie. How much do I wish that you didn't have to be feel like this? I hurt for you.

I love you! *so many virtual hugs*

Robyn said...

I love you auntie Chris. I can't even begin to understand the pain you must feel all the time. All I can do is pray that the One who does understand is with you even when you may not feel it. I love you and I am praying for you.

GusF_Finkbeiner1209 said...

想要推動天下,先要發動自己。

joven said...
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