These rainy days are driving me nuts plus today is Sunday and nobody is around. I skipped church. All month the subject is about families and relationships. When I went last week all it accomplished was to remind me of what I no longer have. It is so hard not to get depressed. We have had more rain this spring than we have had in the last hundred years. Today it is starting to break up and the sun has tried its darnedest to shine. That truly won't happen until Tuesday and then we get sun until Friday and then rain again. I have so much yard work to do and all I can do is look out the window at it. My deck needs staining so bad and it has been so wet that the boards are starting to grow moss! They are green and slimy. That is going to be a mess to get rid of and I am not sure what to do. Yay for Mr. Goggle. I hope it does not tell me to replace all the boards. That is NOT going to happen until I am in danger of falling through. I found out from the doctor that my vitamin D counts are very low. He said to make sure to go out every day for a half an hour with short sleeves. Haw Haw! Good one! I would be a drowned rat. I have started taking D pills. Hopefully when the D levels raise I will be on more of an even keel and not feel so depressed. I had blamed how I was feeling on my loss and had never thought that anything else could be adding to it.
Due to being stuck inside, I have got a lot of spring cleaning done. All my closets and drawers are cleaned. the big trash bin is full and I added a few more boxes to the garage for donation. I cried a few times as I found things. I found a Valentine Day card from two years ago. In it is a long letter from John telling me how much I meant to him through this battle with the cancer. Reading it just tore me up again. I read it over and over. Why do I torture myself in this way? I have no answer. I put it in my bedside drawer. I have read it every night before bed since I found it. Even though it makes me cry I must get some comfort from it or I would not feel so compelled to do this.
The motor home is all packed and ready to roll. I am going to take it to my daughters mid June and stay there for a week and help her out. It is a very busy time of the year for her and her husband and the kids. Last weekend in June I am going to take my widow friend to her cowboy school weekend. She has no place to stay there and had been thinking of sleeping in her horse trailer. I will go cheer her on with all the roping and riding, read a good book, sing around the campfire cowboy songs and even enjoy the cowboy church they have for Sunday morning. She has been missing having fun in her life and now she set about to find some so by golly I am going to have some too. |Yee Haw! Happy Trails to you all and make sure to take your vitamin D.
6 comments:
I have a Vitamin D deficiency as well! Its ironic because we get so much sun here. But skin cancer is a worry, so we overdo it with the sunscreen. My doctor told me my problem is genetic and I should take tablets indefinitely. I feel much better now, and I hope u will too! I am sorry you are feeling so sad. Its not so long since J passed and I think you have a right to feel that way. Having said that, I love your plans to get out and about. The cowboy thing sounds fantastic! I wish I could come too!! XX HUGS...
Glad your Dr. figured out the Vitamin D thing. I hope you start to feel better soon. Some real sunshine would sure be nice!
How bitter/sweet that you found that letter from John. I am glad for you that he would write some things out. How very precious!
Lack of sun and rainy days is what gets me depressed as well. If you live in Belgium you really need to make the most of each sunny day that comes along. We had a great day here on Friday, but it's been raining all weekend after that. They say it's going to sunny again as from Wednesday, so I'm counting the days!
I hope the pilss will help you. That and the plans you are making to go out with your friend.
I have not heard about this cowboy fest before.
you will have to tell me about it.
That is why we are getting a place in Sedona, AZ. I can't take the GRAY days, they really get me down!
I hope you get to feeling better, get some sun and have a little fun too!!!
I somehow missed this post. I am glad I found it, though. I know just what you mean about reading that letter over and over. I am sure it is helping you through your grief process even though it makes you cry. I'm sure somehow it makes you feel closer to John and helps you remember his voice. Crying is not really a bad thing and honestly, Chris, you are doing a great job of moving onwards in life, even though at times I know it is painful and difficult. Look at all you've done. Getting the motor home, getting the things done on your house and figuring out the things you need to do to keep it up. John would be so proud of you. You are keeping busy and making plans and working through the things that get you down. It will eventually get easier, but you and John had something really special and I don't think you will ever not miss him.
There are products for the moss on your deck. You shouldn't have to replace the boards. My porch is covered with artificial grass rug and it is also growing moss. We are used to the rain, here, but not like this. I am still using my heaters and it is June! I'm hoping we will get some sun soon. I need a couple of days for my yard to dry out enough to even mow it. I'm so far behind on my outdoor projects. I'm not even able to do the basic things because it is just too wet. Very annoying.
The cowboy thing sounds like a lot of fun. Then June will be over and it will only be a little over a month until I'm there! Can you believe it? I'm so excited!
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