I think I had better avoid Facebook for the next few days. I have a lot of friends and family that are regulars and due to Valentine's day most of them are putting up photos and writing nice things about each other. I don't begrudge them and it is nice to see that they love, appreciate and not take each other for granted. This is as things should be, I know, yet it is killing me. It is like rubbing salt into a wound. I thought that I would be alright with Valentines Day because I told myself it really is only a day after all, just another day out of the three hundred and sixty five days of the year. The last few days, I have been struggling. The grief worm seems to be boring new holes in my heart.
Valentine
Draw the curtains, shut out the light
There is nobody for me to love tonight
No cuddles
No sweet nothings
Not a wink or a smile if you get my drift
No slap on the bottom or squeeze of the thigh
No footsies
No smooches
How I long to gaze into you eyes
How I long to kiss you face one more time
People say I carry you in my heart
and with that be I have to be happy
Happy
Happy
Valentine
9 comments:
hanks for sharing. I hope you're able to see that it's getting better. I don't think it gets any easier as time passes, just the busyness pushes the thinking about it a little further as new neural pathways are mapped. I used to spend time at the end of the day speaking in my mind to my beloved. Here, on the net, in writing, there's a medium to evaluate and gauge the depth of impact over time. It will be better one day. Take care. 'You are a child of the Universe'... and so is anyone else.
Awe. Hugs Mom. Love you.
I was having a bad day yesterday. I just wish John was here to be my funny valentine.
I have a hard time with what people say about him always being here with me. He is not. He is in heaven with the Lord where he should be. (that does bring me comfort)His spirit is not here. I do carry MY love for him and the memories of him in my fractured heart. I know that people just want to make it better for me. The truth is that they can't. It is something that I have to walk through, come to terms with, learn to move forward with and somehow live with.
I could tell you were down yesterday. I hope you are feeling better today. i understand how you feel about it all. sometimes the days that you don't think will bother you will and other things that you think should bother you don't. i'm glad that everyone will be there this weekend.
I am so sorry, Chris. You are right. You are the only one who can walk your walk. You are the only one who truly knows who it feels and how much you miss John. All we, who love you, can do, and should do, is pray that God will be with you to comfort you and hold you close. I just wish I could do more, but all I can do is pray for you. So I will do just that.
I've always thought that was a funny thing to say too. "he's always with you." I agree with you, it's a bit of a strange thing to say. I think people want so badly to make it better for you that they'll say nearly anything in an attempt.
I wish he were with you too. We love you, we're praying.
Oh dear Chris. I hope and pray that God will be ever so close to you during these next days. That poem is so sad and I am so sorry that it is truth for you now.
I am also glad that you have Noah's birthday to celebrate on Sunday.
I love you sister.
I don't blame you for staying off of face book for a bit.
I know I cannot make it better. Just know, I'm thinking of you, I care for you. Big hug. This must be hard. I cannot begin to imagine.
I'm praying for you still!
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