Monday, December 28, 2009

Dreams

I have been thinking of all the dreams that we had together, you know, all the things we hoped to do when we retired and all the things that we wanted to accomplish. Some of them were pipe dreams, things that we both knew would never happen but we would have fun thinking them up and sharing them with each other. Some of them were things I wish we would have worked harder at attaining, like the trip to Mexico City to visit dear friends, instead of putting them off thinking that we would have time later in life. Some of those wishes were simple things that we just did not get around to doing or things that I would jam out on because I am a chicken and you did not want to do them alone. I think of all the things that you did not get to do like ride in a hot air balloon or shoot the rapids. I wish I would have organized things so you could have had those experiences.

I do know that if they were that important to you, ya would have done them. I believe eventually you would done them had time not ran out. The one consoling thing is that you did get to live a very full life that was full of great relationships as well as fun and did do most of the things on your wish list and some that were on mine as well. I know that the Lord is pleased with you for you did not live a selfish life and made many sacrifices for me and the children. You did not begrudge us for that. I am sure you got to hear "Well done John." That is what I think and say.

At one point, just a few short hours before you died, you raised your hands and was staring at them, slowly turning them in every direction and studying them as if you could learn something important from them. It struck me at the time that your work here was finished. I am glad that I was able to thank you for all the years we had together and for how good you took care of me and the kids. John, if you can hear me, I cannot thank you enough and I love you forever. Yes, I know that you know! I just can't help myself and need to say this over and over.

I have decided that I should not chuck the list. I am going to carefully consider it and do some of the things on it except for the shooting of the rapids and the hot air balloon ride, thank you very much. I know you are in heaven cheering me on. I can hear your voice saying: Go Beasely Go! and if I do something stupid like figure I can ride a motorcycle...well...I know you will be rolling those incredible green eyes and yes there will be a hint of laughter in them. I know you want me to carry on and grab life by the horns. I am going to try real hard and "give er snoose" as you used to say or "drive it like you own it".

13 comments:

Sue said...

This is very sweet Chris! And yes I believe he is cheering you on.
Oh and I think the hot air balloon ride would be scary but fun. We could go together!

Jientje said...

I think I see tears in your eyes. Hugs.
If you ever dream of coming to Belgium, he'll be cheering you on, and I will be welcoming you.

Christine said...

Sue: No to the hot air balloon ride. You could not pay me to go on that. It would in no way be fun. I would be sick and hide in the bottom of the basket. It is weird because I can go on roller coaster rides and thin nothing of it but that??? Scary!

Jientje: You never know. I do plan to travel in the future. There were tears in my eyes when I wrote that.

Sue said...

There were tears in my eyes reading this.

Bientje said...

And tears in mine too...
Big hug,

Lucy said...

I am sure he is cheering you on and glad you continuing on with the dreams!

Margaret said...

You are such an incredibly strong person, Chris. I had tears in my eyes reading this.

footsack said...

I am so sad for you. Like everyone, I cried reading it.
I too can hear his voice cheering you on :)

Avaelyn said...

How amazing are you? Honestly. I'm just astounded by how strong you are. I'm so glad that you want to do all those things. I know he's so proud of you.

The Invisible Mo said...

I have no idea what to say. I think keeping the list and trying to accomplish some of those things alone is a great idea. Riding a motorcycle is not near as hard as you think and you could do it somewhere NOT in traffic.
I am sure John is cheering you on and wanting the best for you as you go on without him. Love is just like that.

Momisodes said...

I know he is cheering you on.

We all are.

This was the most touching thing I've read in a very long time. A great reminder to all of us to cherish the ones we love while we can. Like you have.

Toad said...

Oh mom. You are the so much more than just a slow driver. You know how much I love you. Look out Greece!

jakeryankingofrockgospelforever said...

i love that valentines day poem