Friday, November 07, 2008

Insomnia

It is 6:00 AM and I am wide awake. The closer it is getting to departure day, the more trouble I am having sleeping. There are some positive things that come along with the insomnia. The grand kidlets are snug in their beds. The dog is still sleeping. It is nice and quiet and I can sit and put together some of my thoughts.

Today is the day of the big pack. I have been procrastinating. It seems that maybe if I don't pack, we really won't have to go. I keep hoping that Dr. V's off ice would phone and tell us they have made a mistake and this treatment would not be necessary. I keep trying to focus on all of the things that can make going to Seattle seem O.K. I try hard to make my brain think we are going on a holiday. We will try to have some fun before the treatment starts.

I am not the only one having trouble being gone four months. John has big time trouble. Our children have big time trouble. Our grandkids are going to have big time trouble. I think that this fact is the hardest for me. They are so little and how could they possibly understand this. Ah...pity sake! I told myself that I would not cry when I wrote this. When I think of them, it is impossible not to cry. Becky is trying to prepare her boys. I am sure Jonathan and Melissa are doing the same.

The one thing that keeps me going is the fact that I know we will all get through this. One day it will be behind us as just a memory. We have met the challenges of the last year and a half and with God's grace we will meet the challenges of the next four months. I have an amazing family. My children are great. Can you imagine what it would be like to go through something like this if that were not the case? They have given us so much love and support. That is another thing that keeps both of us going.

Stupid Multiple Myeloma! May David"s stem cells kill every last bit of you! That is the final and most important thing that keeps me going. I am focused very intently on this. I will do whatever it takes for this to happen... even overcome the things that frighten me.

With all that said. I am going to pack.

4 comments:

Karen said...

Just reading this has helped me today to be so very thankful that my problems are tiny compared to this.

Eve said...

Ah, Christine. Sometimes our challenges seem so overwhelming! I'm so glad you have loving, supportive children to help you through this time. Many of us have you in our thoughts and prayers as well.

Christine said...

Eve: thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They are very much appreciated. I was having a blah day. The shopping and the grand children helped snap me out of it.

Fluffy said...

I used to get insomnia evry time my first son went in the hospital. I actually slept better when I could stay there with him.