Friday, December 14, 2007

HO HO HO!

As a child I did not like Santa. Well... that is not entirely true. He was O.K. from a distance and if he did not look at me. I can remember Christmas Eve when I was maybe four years old. Mom and Dad tucked Scott and I into bed and told us to go to sleep because Santa was going to come and he only came when the children were sleeping.

Fibbers... I wonder at how they could possibly think that we would go to sleep after that whopper!

As soon as the door was closed the covers flew off of us all by themselves and we began to vibrate all over the place. I can remember hopping like a frog all over my bed. I took a few little leaps and a lot of gi-mun-gus jumps! Scott was spazing out over on his bed. All of a sudden he lets out a great big SHHHH followed by a few smaller Shh... Shhs. I stopped my cavorting. He had my attention. "I think I hear Santa! Can you hear that?" he asks. I strain very hard. I can not hear a thing. I tell him so. "Shhh...I think I can hear sleigh bells! I think he is on the roof!" he exclaims. "Eeek!" I cover my head under the blanket.

Blankets have a magical ability to hide and protect a child from any evil. I do not like Santa!

"Is he going to come in the window?" I ask. Scott replies "No...dummy...Santa only comes down the chimney. Be quiet! If he thinks we are awake he will not leave us presents"

Let it be said that our house did not have a fireplace. Perhaps Santa can come down the furnace chimney? Explain that one Scott!

I don't know how long I lay there feigning sleep, terrified that Santa would somehow mistakenly get into our room. Sometime during the evening I did sleep and woke up in the morning to a beautiful Christmas morning.

Let me say it again...as a child I did not want anything to do with Santa! My mom (like someone else I know) each year wanted us kids to have a picture with Santa. "How precious...How cute and adorable" she would declare. Now I ask you do I look even a smidgen happy in this picture?


Does this other poor little fellow look happy?


I heard a radio a discussion about the shopping malls deciding that it would no longer be a good idea for Santa to say "Ho Ho Ho". The reason for this was that perhaps it would offend some women.

Yes I know that on an episode of Corner Gas the characters had a big dilemma when one of the towns folk wanted to put up a giant hoe in the town square to represent their village plus attract tourists. I wonder if that episode offended some women. Follow Links I love to Corner Gas. They are playing parts of this episode today.

Anyway...it would not bother me if they banned the Ho ho ho. I think there would be a lot less frightened children in the world. Really! Santa never just says Ho ho ho like you or I would. He always deepens his voice as low as he can get it and bellows it out.

Scary stuff...eeek! Run away!


5 comments:

Becky said...

He might not look happy, but he sure looks cute. Wait till you see this years. It's material ready-made for the therapist's couch someday. They'll thank me for it.

Sandy C. said...

Aww... My daughter had the same look in her Santa photo last year. This year I opted to save myself from a morning of sheer misery all around at the mall and plopped her in front of our tree for a pic.

jientje said...

Well, here in Belgium we have Sinterklaas, he arrives early December, comes through the chimney too, drops of toys and sweets for the children, very much like Santa. As a child I had about the same feelings towards him as you have for Santa, I was petrified!

Margaret said...

If Santa knew how many children he has traumatized he would need therapy as well as some of those kids he terrified. I never did Santa pictures. Not necessarily because my kids were scared, but because they never asked and I didn't want to spend my money on a picture where my kid was crying and trying to escape like most of the kids were doing.

Debo Hobo said...

Fantastic writting--your tale sounds a lot like mine. We had the oil furnace so how the heck did he get in? Cristams morning is always such a magical time.

I never got my pic with Santa, ever.