Telemarketer Rage

Do you suffer from telemarketer rage? Do you have the following symptoms? When your phone rings do you subconsciously clench your jaw? Do you check your call display with suspicion? Do you suffer from guilt pangs when you say no to supplication's? Do you make up excuses as to why you cannot "at this time" do that short survey and then agree to do it later? Have you ever been harassed by bill collectors wanting their...lets say: $11.o3 when you are only one week late and they keep phoning you and phoning you because you won't tell them if you are going to pay them on Friday or pay them on Saturday. Well...lit me offer you this easy solution. Turn a negative into a positive. No longer will you dread it when the phone rings or consider it an intrusion into your home. Yes...you will anticipate with excitement to those calls you used to dread. I offer you, free of charge: Games to Play With Telemarketers. The only thing that I ask of you is that you would share your experiences and/or any new games you have devised with me.

GAME 1: HEAVY BREATHING

This game is the easiest. I recommend it for beginners. It does require some practice because it is very important that you DO NOT LAUGH! Breath deep and heavy into the phone. This game is beneficial to your health. You should feel very relaxed when the game is over. For your first attempt you may wish to hold the receiver down by your Adam's apple.

GAME 2: LET US LISTEN TO MUSIC

This game is very easy in and of itself but does require you to be somewhat organized. It requires an C.D. player and a collection of weird music. Let the telemarketer get into their grove then , whenever you fell like it (your house ...your rules) interrupt them and explain to them you have something very important for them to listen to. Play them a preselected tune. The stranger the song the better. Do not play nice music for your telemarketer. You will defeat what you are wishing to accomplish. After the song is over you may speak with your telemarketer again only you may only chat about the music you have just played for them. Rave about it! Be enthusiastic! Bonus points to whoever get their telemarketer to listen to another song.

GAME3: I NO SPEEKIE A ONGLISH

This game requires a lot more finesse and practice unless you are one of those gifted people who can naturally mimic a foreign accent. You can prepare yourself by finding and listening to someone who is butchering the English language. Your own telemarketer may be a help to you in this regard. You can tell if the English is bad when you have had to ask for the person speaking to you to repeat themselves numerous times and you still don't know what the heck they have said. Pay close attention to tone, rhythm and the accent. Don't worry if they hang up on you, in a couple of hours somebody else will phone. If you are unable to mimic a real foreign accent make up one of your own. Practice while in the shower or on your way to work. Once you have mastered the accent then you are ready to play the game. It is easy at this point. Simply keep repeating the phrase "I no speekie a onglish" again and again. (or your own unique version of this phrase) It is very important that you DO NOT LAUGH!

GAME 4: MULTIPLE PLAYER.

This game is for experts. It involves more than one player. One of the players must be able to convince the telemarketer that they are a naughty child who is not supposed to be answering the phone. Their mother does not want to be bothered because she is "watching her show". The best technique for this is the whisper and lisp. Act secretive...you are not supposed to be on the phone. You must be quick witted and able to ad-lib. The object of this game is to keep the telemarketer on the phone as long as you can. The role of the other players is to roll on the floor and laugh. Remember...you must NOT LAUGH YOURSELF! Bonus point if you can get your telemarketer to phone back. This game works best on pesky bill collectors. Do not attempt this game if you are in serious trouble. If this is the case simply hang up the phone!


I have not personally tested all of these games. I did play MULTIPLE PLAYER but in the supportive way as I only rolled on the floor and laughed.